*
What is your purpose
What is your plan man
Are you enjoying the circus
are you being a clown
I've got a pocket full of dollars
that says you can't read
and get the point of it
get the point the point of it down
You had your chances
and you more than
took them for granted
but maybe you were just too dumb
The doctor says I'm
just becoming a rooster
He says
not to get too down
Had to move my belt one
notch over
Had to throw away that
third grade four leaf clover
*
For selfish reasons I smoke
I'm bored so I fly
I try and try
And at the end
There's a butt
Then I sleep
Tomorrow then I awoke
Bright colors here
Come very rare
The trails lift to
The ceiling
And I think of closing the book
A man in bright yellow coat
Parks cars
And sits in a booth
Looking for signs
To do good with his time
Why not stop
*
So Much for Little Cash
gibberish gabberish fibbers and gab
gee those shoes look so fab
twas not will not give me three
when the farmost vessels reach
the empty beach
then only can you say
that you were among them
for if we stand still and holler
the mustard might heads
play for dollars
smaller
swallower
the mighty hunter
will raise a gun in flash
so much for little cash
*
the city
the city is beautiful
at sunset you see
silhouetted planes and helicopters
against a pastel sky
of orange and aqua marine
the river's glow in the dark white
Liberty, bridges, rooftops are green
across the way Brooklyn Bridge is lit with
flickering beams
clouds raining peach colored showers
and trees blowing saturated leaves
soon enough the sun became
a dot of red
just before it lowered
to bed
and gray mist overwhelmed
everything just said
thus ended a passing
moment of God's glory
natural and man-fed
*
now is
It doesn't matter
because I wasn't doing the same thing yesterday
and I'll be doing something different tomorrow
because I wasn't here yesterday
and I won't be here tomorrow
heart day one day
next day blue
hold cot
*
resigning with age
I don't want to boast
nothing too revealing here
time moves on
I'm just making friends
I just want to be in the loop
I want to be there
our generation
we only had to grow up
we had to learn to care
after asking
what difference will it make
so overcome by emotion
I can't ignore myself
memories not here yet
I see them though
human lament
human repent
*
can't
sunlight ray
beat me to the room
sunrise day
keeps me from the gloom
but if ever I thought
that you were my savior
then everything would
come out right
you hear what I'm sayin
you dear
precious dear
for if yields of nonsensensical spoken
through then ever might be caught then they could say it wasn't rough but caught
in the snuff of one eyebeam together forever but not in the thought of you and I
cause we can't look it in the eye you nor I neither we care so much for the
towers and the cactus frosting of our finest longest hours in nine sordid hours
from behind yet you seek the neverending surprises of our lost forgotten woven
isles because it drifts into miles of nothing smiles so snidely yet gets caught
in the frozen piles however we see then not begotten not forwarned benighed
crusty cakes with knives should you ever bring the fires blister you bless to do
most comforting denial yet you ever can't free the style of your forshadowed
doom twist in the aisle yet sobering dial can't speak nor reel in the jaded
weeks and wheels of everlasting plies
*
I should think one day
that I might carry a cane
an admission of feebleness
yet able to maintain a
sense of independence
and an air of dignity
I wonder if I could
accompany Whitman on a futuristic
return to this magnificent
metropolis.
How could any of the great
artisans of a bygone era not
see how wonderful mankind
has assimilated the
preliminary fears of a
booming industrial and capitalist
world.
I only hope that perhaps
architecture will one day
again become a prized
practice.
*
we can't
we can't choose the people
that come into our lives
we should try to break bread
with those who do
*
what we've become
now is the time
for us to leave behind
what we've become...
one leaf falls
to the ground
in early summer
while the rest
wait til autumn
to turn brown
In this season
You're still green
detached from
the mother tree
*
Smokey Jeans
When I was 20
I played with fire
My mind was in other places
I broke the rules
But I was never there
I was never there for you
(But) I Didn't Want That
Sometimes Accidents happen for good reasons
Why do I betray you Lord
Why do I defy the good voice in me
*
wish
For some reason
real or imagined
I thought that when
I got older
I would be strong
and intelligent enough
that there would no
longer be fears
I would be a man
so nothing could
scare, frighten or worry me
There's nothing that
I couldn't overcome
I was wrong
The fears I had
as a kid
have become even more real
magnified by a thousand
glasses
But I wish and
strive to maintian a
smile through it all
*
Old New York
Somehow I knew
I would waste away
nor give much thought to
somewhere someplace
don't get me wrong
I've had my dreams
my highly idealistic things
I thought would be cool to do
but since, or just in case
I end up wastin this life
I can't think of a better place
to do so than old New York
*
Frost
and then I was staring at my scoffed up, ripped up shoes, holes in the
jeans, oil stains on my pantlegs, dirt under my fingernails, my sweatshirt that
I wear 5-10 days in a row, through my 5 year old prescription glasses with nicks
in what was at one time non-scratch surface lenses (I guess the non-scratch
surface layer is peeling off), an irritating little whisker pointing up instead
of down and tickling my nose so people think I'm a drug addict, wiping
crumbs/snot/ice/water from my moustache, sniffling from allergies, and
I was just wondering...
what's it all for...
to teach me a lesson or something?
*
I Saw Berke Breathed
I saw a worried child
a look of gasping surprise
I saw Dilbert
I saw Snoopy
I saw Beaker
I saw Scmedley
I saw Droopy
in that chipped paint on the wall
*
sketcher book
This message is for no one
particular
but it makes me wipe my
guitar
I'm drinking alone
by my bone
The heart peels
then turns green
I regret that I
wasn't worth it
to be alone but then dependent
and a fool
for trying you know
I'm just looking for a road
hope doesn't stay
but carries with it a rope
not a smidgen better
but worse for ignoring
my own
it's taken so long to
open and look
but thank you for the sketcher
book
I will no longer have
a place to stand
for long moments
when I thought I'd be
moving on later
I will miss the point
and make another
and not think of it again
so at the end
the spirit is near
and I am no longer
empty of cheer
as I learn to
listen
be clear
be brave
give daily
I must go and
be a friend
*
This final section is from a reply I sent to my friend who wanted
me to check his email system out as he was having some problems, so he gave me his password to let me check it out, and I sent him this as my reply.
Subject: Re: learn to write the following word like this - 'foggeduhbowdet'
#1, your password is of no use to me. that's for you to log in to your personal account. But since I'm a cooky guy, I'll see if I can check it out and
see what I can see. See? Si!
#2, get in the habit of never giving passwords out to anyone for anything.
Bad to do. not that you would have anything to hide, but just to instill
confidence in companies. They're big on security consciousnessnessness.
In fact make a habit of randomly changing your passwords to anything on
not so regular basisesesess.
#3, did you write a note in MS Word or something like it and then tried to
attach it to your e-mail? I'm not sure how hotmail.com handles things,
but we'll see. See? Si!
#4, if you put a large attachment file in, hotmail.com won't handle large sized messages. If you just wrote a long letter there shouldn't be a problem.
#5, don't think I've ever seen anyone with as large a username as yours.
Bada bing! You cook (as in kewk, or kuuk, or kook, whatever they do
with that word).
#6, what's the difference between a musician and a pizza?
a pizza will feed a family of four. Bada bing!
#7, how many lead singers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
one. he just stands there and the world revolves around him.
Bada bing!
*
the breaths of
the gods
are restless
Human primates
are scrambling
to arrange
their comforts
when they find
those are
fleeting moments
we escape to
other interpretations
of flights
of fancy
and will go to the
extremes of our own demise
extremes of demise
look deep into your eyes
laugh with your ego
just don't step into
my front door
I can listen
you can detect
and lay all your
baggage on me
I only have
a sigh
to offer your stress
I guess
you sighed when
I came to you
but asked
nothing more
I can only hope
to stay away
from your door
Years ago
you were beaten down
by someone who
didn't care
someone with
nothing on their mind
but fair
If we could only
remain with the
ones who we
succeeded with
goddamn our
ego's flair
once not
stop not
medium cigars
cry not
want not
noone looking into your eyes
and seeing, knowing
the extremes of my demise
close the door
open the window
wrap under the blanket
and dream of
simpler times
*
take your time
take notes
seize the moment
learn to pray
Haven't taken full
advantage of
resources at hand
nor trusted fully
in people
including the self
Don't have to be
too tricky or clever
Don't try to
tackle a mountain
without first building
some endurance
and skill
practical senses
common senses
trust in the fate
of God's love
and his plan
as it lays out
before you
Make some choices
have some initiative
and
*
Good
always is
to see my friend
and just laugh
Most important
to maintain
my soul
and high-spirits
Smart
dilligent people
common shares
beliefs
memories
Then and now
bondings
favors
encouragements
*
You don't/should understand
you won't get up again
make that kind of dough again
be here again
have that chance again
see
see it now
hear now
question now
feel it now
save now
taste it now
savor it now
*
Afraid to continue
building
expanding horizons
Afraid to take that
one small temporary
step back
My current lot in life
My self imposed lot
By default, that is
the punishment
I've been handed
I've delivered
I've sat and waited for
I've done the bare
minimums to be
accepted entry-level
to be accepted into
membership
just haven't grown
just haven't stayed
just haven't made the
really tough decisions
and accepted accountability
the lesson I've learned
is right before me
All the negatives
that show
I use as and excuse
to further go
the next step
and simply write it all
off as
my lot in life
Igor
was a valued
commodity
knew what was
needed
when it was
needed
the best assistant
to a team of
surgeons
the one not afraid to
get his hands dirty
the one who probably
suffered physically
from all the risky
positions he took
on
but was happy and
content
and accepting
humbly accepting
of his lot in life
The one step up
in his eyes is
he can write about
what he knows
he can tell stories
about what he's been through
he can photograph
his uncommon unique perspective
he can sing about
the emotions he has
inside of him
emotions near a boiling point
he needs to learn
maybe is learning
the value of his
stories
where, who, to offer
his stories
that the almighty
dollar is
what dictates our
drive and purposes
to the end
can he maintain his
spirit and soul
til then
Igor -
the happy-go-lucky boy he's always been
A muse is not
neccessarily
one of the most
pleasant events
or people an artist
comes across in their
life
What have I learned in this vacation?
About family
About new family
and old
about simple things
about young things
about old things
about historic memories
about seasonal
preparations for the wind
about forgiveness
and childish sins
about reparations
to fix and mend
about life experiences
about aging
and making friends
Klutina and
South Waterfall
in a very short
time period, days,
became a familiar
site to me one middle
of the night, darkly
lit with the streetlamps,
raining, quiet
A familiar wet street corner
*
Avonex and Penlac
This thing eats refridgerators!
I have a dogged
determination
to stay where I am
we’ll see how dogged
that determination is
when money gets tight
and the rent is due
Keep this in mind
don’t get down
this one
and that one
would hire you again
they liked your
services
professionally and personally
to help them
and/in their business run
Buses
Frost
Music and sir
any of your family
and friends
would take you in
again and again
any former flirts
would be happy
to laugh again
Composing by/through emotion
Beethoven
Bach
studious
and inspired men
passionate men
lonely men
*
WITH WHOM MAY MINE ENCOUNTER
Amonia to clear the air
Avonex & Aspirin years
Anthrax spores
Andrea, Angela, Anabel, & Amys I know
Avenue A, Astoria, Austin, Alvin, Anamosa places I lived
Access, Addresses, Algebra, A+’s, Helpful Answers I once did
Avoidance, Abandonment, Alcohol, Attacks, Ashes made me feel
Apprehensive, Aroused, Abandoned, Annoyed and Angry
Aaron
Avonex years
Anthrax scars
Aortic to Pulmonary Artery Fistula
Ash
Amys
Andrea
Alvin
Austin
Anamosa
A+’s
Astoria
Algebra
Aesbestos
Aspirin
Amonia for Chuckles
Avenue A
Avoidance
Abandonment
AA
AAA
A+ Cert
Access
AMc
Access Unlimited
Answers
Available
Annoyed
Angry
Apprehensive
Attack(ed)
Aggressive
Absolutely
Afterlife
Admin
Addresses
Apply
Kid A
Away
Arrival
Alcohol
Associative
Asleep
ARK
*
Life Changes
My life changed
Life changed
This life change
I was there
two summers
and a spring
before the fall
a good looking body
in this town
walks by every
ten feet
what counts 99%
is that smile
that nurturing hand
that look
that touch
the hold
the bright eyes
my cassette recorder
and my baby Washburn
it's been awhile
first time back
couldn't let her go
couldn't leave her abandoned so
Have to take things
to the edge
the brink of desperation
and disaster
have to see firsthand
despair nearing so close
have to get to the point
of using loose change
have to visit Coinstar
to get whole bills
to get whole quarters
for toilet paper and laundry
Driving to NYC
all things kept
packed into the back
and two small dogs
taking turns in my lap
every gas station
every stop
every highway
seemed familiar
until you reach
the Verranzano Bridge
traffic
motions
old buildings neck to neck
breathing and pulse are faster
all anticipation of
things to unfold
all the stories and shows
you've seen and heard
are now in your presence
down each and every successive turn
redifining myself/ourselves
redefining our presence and
purpose on this earth
When away from home
and sitting on a bench
you can feel the drive
and wishes come so alive
but when we get back
where I become so easily distracted
the wish has faded and pushed aside
and the dream is no longer there
distractions are anxiously awaiting
*
SUBWAY/NEW YORK
Down in the subway
there's merchants and doctors
down in the subway
i think i'm gonna holler
down in the subway there's men beggin for dollars
down in the subway
among the alien herds
down in the subway
i feel a little taller (smaller)
i'm with a crowd
so innocent and pure
their rollercoaster waves
they need a cure (in search of)
someone's after me
can't see for the seai
take a deep breath
and the cold keeps me
it's you know
like they say it is
big, harsh, dirty
but it has a history
the sun is crisp
and the clouds are gay
moonlight shine over
birds of prey
have you ever been somewhere
you knew you weren't gonna be
at that particular place
for all eternity
where the leaves change colors
and the bars hold you in
soft lane fire glows
and the doorframes are rotten
if i were old
i'd be dyin
the lines stay open
past midnight
lane fire leggin
cold finger snappin
why are we here at Watts
we should be over on Barrow
don't underestimate
the hangover tomorrow
yellow shack on the
corner of 6th and Broadway
poor man washing
his dirt shield laundry
couples glance then stare
hold hands together
if someone wants to pay for a beer
i'll stay up here
all night
deeply depressed
in the city of stress
watching the other guy
in his moment of glory
jealous of any success story
this is a place of quiet
of pause and solitude
conversation's trivial
just a touch of attitude
it's like a holding place
for a ghost like me
it's a private stay
puts holes in me
unfamiliarity
keeps me
CONNECTION/IN MY HEAD
i want to connect
but i got no angle
i push myself back
to the back of the world
all the angry voices
are putting me down
i'm not answering
except with a bite
and a severed bone
sitting, lonely, angry, baloney
got to go and be
apart from the crowd again
it's got something to do
but nowhere to go
get real
be real
what's going on
between you and the cloud
how many times have
you sat in quiet
then thinking back
wished you had
something to say
in my head
the streets a racing
the plurals are known
the gate's at home
in my headeye's ahead
but still astray and shivering
noises around
but all is still
in my head
can't see for the sea
can't stand to get down on my knees
the best brand
is all you ever drink
life liberty and the
pursuit of a blue satin shirt
sometime in my life
i gotta get up a little earlier
sometime in my life
gotta get out from inside the walls
and one of these days
i'll say hi to my neighbor
and talk about the days events
and never ever mention weather
this is a place of quiet
of pause and solitude
conversation's trivial
just a touch of attitude
it's like a holding place
for a ghost like me
it's a private stay
puts holes in me
unfamiliarity
keeps me
keep my mind
on what's important here
TK/SR/AND ALL THOSE SOBSWHO THINK THEY CAN CONTROL ME
there's nothing grand in
no democracy of communication
i don't want a confrontation
bump me on the shoulder
and i'll apologize
tell me to work on Xmas
i'll never bat an eye
can't figure out
why things always turn out bad for me
i put my heart and soul to it
but my soul still feels so empty
get real
be real
sob
HENRY
no more pieces of henry
no more pieces of pie
no more feelings of envy
no more dreaming at night
dealing with life
requests denied
my only friend
"just like little dogs"
JOB
there's no one here by that name
call again tomorrow
call again some other day
call again and again
the employer is the lazy one
this job is for sale
the job for sale is up for bid
are you a happy person
you do what you want
you get it every day
there's life in the decay
wanted, men for slavery
get a pack every day
WRITING
i don't want to do this
i can't wait til Xmas
stones in the barnyard
they'll be doing the two-step to this very shortly
what the fuck is that
don't overblow your mind
with blatt
close this book
it's not for kids
i'm losing my eyes
i broke ground today
not a sound in the way
the wallpaper lid's in the door
sob
how am i supposed
to care and give a shit
at the same time
write it out then dispose of it
nothing doing
with nothing to do
too much detail
ruins the spirit of the whole thing
the best song i ever wrote
was never finished
the chords didn't quite ring
the notes didn't want to sing
words came to a breakneck stop
my teeth were turning green
nothing matters
but it's not a joke
good morning pages
bad morning days
what difference does it make
what lengths will i take
gotta get out on my own
gotta do that thing again
the thing that frustrates me
the thing that doubts me
that i doubt myself
misinterpretation is not
my problem
the sunlight hit
the page just so
i could see finally
the marks i was making
no longer need to subject me
to that sort of scrutiny
it's a critical success
my humblest work at best
what i hunger for
is yet to be
what is printed, written, or projected
plainly I cannot see
I'll be making a living from my writing
long after
your grandchildren are dead
LIFE/DEATH
all things pass
including me
including you
don't be so down
on your bluestreak
it's good for the feet
they go slow
bound to past
living up to history
tied to family
love is around
i just don't want to live up to that crap
no real vacation
gonna have to play host
to older men and women
for when I do begin to die
these days of struggle and strife
are preparing me for the ultimate fight
to breathe thes last few precious breaths
and taste the last morsels before death
FIGHTING/WOMEN
the fights are getting boring
the night frogs are snoring
nonsense for nothing
now all we do is fight
come on come on
we staged a run
let's peel the light
nothing could ever shake you from the grips of your girl
alot of people want my baby
but my baby only wants me
same place
same time
you are the only thing
ever on my mind
sweet Katarina
meet me at the cantina
quiet quiet sunday
tell me something
someday
that you'll never ever
be alone
why are we here at Watts
we should be over on Barrow
don't underestimate
the hangover tomorrow
yellow shack on the
corner of 6th and Broadway
poor man washing
his dirt shield laundry
couples glance then stare
hold hands together
her hands curled up
in her sleeves
her nose pinch
smile snowy white
eyes are what make
the earth open up
and swallow me
like a bread crumb
shell around her head
mittens on her hand
long coat down to
her knees
does she have a man
what would he be
nothing like me
he probably has money
and a job in the city
a house in the burbs
and a car near the curb
they got things together
like mutual love
honesty and power
thrown together
like some omelette
I should stop staring
magnetizing her
it didn't matter what i said to you
it doesn't matter what i don't or i do
every emotion i ever had
took second place to what your dad had
*
What was said by you
What I said to you
Hands waving in the air
Waving to say hello
Waving to thank the World
for the beautiful moment
we encroached ourselves upon
Waving to conduct
our hearts’ beating in time
along with
the day’s music and beauty we’ve found
*
