4th Grade, each student starting band lessons
We each talk with the conductor about what instrument we wished to play I really really knew the drums were what I wanted to play
however, one day I saw a 6th grader walking onto the schoolyard with his trombone case
The image of him carrying that oblong instrument looked really really cool
"Uh, maybe trombone" was my response to the conductor
"Wonderful" she said, informing me that her husband and her son also played the trombone as well as another really smart high schooler who was going to the Air Force Academy next year, all of whom I had seen play for Xmas at our church once a year
A few years later the conductor tells all of us in band that she was looking for some new drummers, and any student who wanted to switch the instruments they were learning should have a talk with her
Cool! Even though I was first chair of the trombone section, I still felt that initial urge to learn and play the drums.
No, she didn't encourage it for me since I was already doing well at the trombone, and was the first chair lead in fact. Darn. Oh well.
My family moved to Houston, Texas from Colorado 2 years later, and I continued to play with the band down there, but the best chair I got up to was 5th chair. 1 year later we moved to Iowa, and the best chair I got to was 3rd chair. 3 years later we moved back down to Texas, and by then I had quit playing the trombone in band the previous year. I was so upset with trying to keep up with new bands and conductors, I even got into a "fight" with the conductor in Iowa's son because he was trying to get me to go to choir practice one morning. I didn't want anything to do with music anymore. I won our "fight", acutually we wrestled in the front yard of my neighbor's house. He was trying to force me to go to the high school and try-out.
I had gone down to Texas one month earlier than my family, I wanted to be on the football team, which included starting full practices at the end of the summer. I wanted to be a part of the team of macho tough football heroes.
Years later, right after college, my college roommate and some other friends were looking for someone to be the lead singer in their upstart party cover band. No, I was done with music. But somehow I ended up getting involved anyway, thinking that it wouldn't last anyway, and I could make a point that starting a band wasn't going to work.
7 years later, my college roommate and I had been working together in that band, making several changes with the other musicians who played with us, the songs we played, where we played, how often. Of course, that childish boredom in me started to creep in again. Again I was tired of the numerous changes in band-members, and it eventually became a mutual understanding between my old college roommate and I that it was time for him to make a change with his lead-singer.
He also said he was tired of having to continually convince me that this band was a good thing to be doing, being self-employed and playing music. It wasn't perfect all the time as far as our tastes went, but he as the leader had a good network of clubs and parties to be booked regularly and a good steady cash flow had been established. I was not happy, I was bored, I wanted to do something different. I wanted to be behind the cameras on some film or TV show. My girlfriend at the time was determined to come to NYC at this time, and she encouraged me to go with her so I could give my dreams of what I wanted to do a shot. I then worked as a film camera assistant, film electric and grip, numerous production assistant jobs.
One day I got a job with a music studio that provided live band gear for big TV shows and concerts. I never thought about how telling this job was for me, it was just a job at the time. It was nice to go and deliver all of this gear to all of these well-known productions, but it was also gear for live music performances. Huh. Can't seem to get away from music can I.
Since then, I had become a member of a choir and a smaller folk-style singing group. Just had two rehearsals this past week, a Sunday morning performance yesterday, today am going to pick up one of my guitars I loaned to a friend who was one of the numerous band members that played with my college roommate and I, and just went to a benefit concert last week in The Village. What I think I don't wish for ...
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
WHAT WAS WISHED FOR ONE YEAR
What I wanted for Xmas one young year
A Nike sport duffle bag
It didn't necessarily need to be Nike
But sporty
My grandmother heard about this wish before
she came to visit for the holiday
What she got for me that Xmas was a black "neo-leather" men's business suitcase-handbag
Apparently, I threw a fit, went and pouted in my room out of disappointment.
I didn't wish for a businessman's bag, I was only in the 4th grade and I just wanted a cool sport duffle bag
Word from my folks was that I didn't give anyone the exact description of what I was wishing for.
A few years later my cousins got the soundtrack LP albums to "Saturday Night Fever" and"Grease" for my brother and I for Xmas. We were thrilled as is displayed from the photo my mother had saved, my brother and I with beaming smiles and each holding the albums. Perhaps we (I at least) learn to make our wishes better known then. Nothing worth pouting over that year.
A Nike sport duffle bag
It didn't necessarily need to be Nike
But sporty
My grandmother heard about this wish before
she came to visit for the holiday
What she got for me that Xmas was a black "neo-leather" men's business suitcase-handbag
Apparently, I threw a fit, went and pouted in my room out of disappointment.
I didn't wish for a businessman's bag, I was only in the 4th grade and I just wanted a cool sport duffle bag
Word from my folks was that I didn't give anyone the exact description of what I was wishing for.
A few years later my cousins got the soundtrack LP albums to "Saturday Night Fever" and"Grease" for my brother and I for Xmas. We were thrilled as is displayed from the photo my mother had saved, my brother and I with beaming smiles and each holding the albums. Perhaps we (I at least) learn to make our wishes better known then. Nothing worth pouting over that year.
Playing to Our Wishes
Playing to Our Wishes
or
What I don't wish for
or
Gotta have my own space, kids
Interesting seeing the trend of advertising, mailings, spam, sales calls that we receive more often as of late
Get rich quick schemes
Free, no obligation government grants
Free literature on how to become like the "secret" society of powerful money managing, world-changing circles
Nothing's for Free as we all learn earlier on
through our "credit-worthy" years just out of college
"No", was my answer not long ago to somebody promissing a no-obligation
$30,000 grant from some federal agency,
I'd be damned if I was going to give them any account routing numbers
so they could make a direct "deposit"
Got a 10-page detailed letter describing details of literature
to receive information on how to learn the basic fundamentals of
becoming part of the "secret" powerful circles of money-makers
Although they wanted me to mail back my positive confirmation that
"Yes, send me your packet/s of informative materials on how I can
learn the secrets of the powers of the world's most...powerful people.
"But have to send it in by 1-29-05 to receive their secrets.
The mail only delivered this notice of 10-pages of rambling excuses to convince me to send my postive response, yesterday 1-27-05.
I can tell them, would like to write back to them in a 20-page
rambling sequence of my excuses that "NO, I don't care to receive
your list of tactics to become part of any SECRET circles of power.
I already know the essentials, proven fundamentals:
1. 'a penny saved a penny earned' - (I didn't spend a damn penny today, so I still have a penny in my account, meaning I saved a penny today!)
2. 'nothing's for free' - (Giving any access to my bank account, even
under the guise of it being a simple free deposit is a very hard cost potentially in the future to discover that I have no more pennies that
were saved at various times of saving pennies)
Also it's interesting to see the "appeal" of televsion reality
shows like "The Apprentice". Compete in "real-life" competitions
to run simple business ventures to impress a self-made billionaire
where the final winning contestant earns a high-dollar making job
working for that billionaire. Well, if these young emotionally charged and obviously inmature
individuals were already successful business people, why would
they take any vacations away from their businesses to compete on
what is essentially a TV game show. First of all, I wouldn't trust
any of these people to run any business if they're taking breaks
from their successful careers and clients, and I wouldn't trust
these emotionally charged people to cooperate in any fashion with
other businesses. I did learn some tricks, or I reinforced basic business fundamentals that all of these latest media-trends are playing towards us.
I saved my pennies, and I trust that my pennies that I've saved will
remain up to balance tomorrow because I didn't fall for any
get-rich free money grants...and I also realized that I did a service
to somebody else's economics by spending time watching the paid-for advertising segments of that really stupid TV show about a bunch of previously successful but presently incompetent business-managers squabble over minute personality conflicts, and fire each other from their competitive game-show positions. I don't wish to be manipulated through money-making schemes, nor do I wish to be manipulated by fear of losing any potential job offers. I don't wish to be teased by any of these grossly ridiculous schemes. I don't wish to run my life through the attraction of money. Got my basics, got my little pennies. I have all that I need. I also have learned to screen phone calls, throw away mail/email I'm not expecting, and have spam and pop-up blockers on my internet connections.
P.S. - Of course, out of suspicion, I wonder what schemes will come about when people have learned to get through screening of phone calls, pop-up and spam blocking. Nothing to fear, just annoying disturbances like a bunch of emotionally charged kids trying to make an impression. I suppose I am also learning to be a parent, even though I don't have any children, through all of this. I wish these "children" would stop making so much noise, go do their own homework, and stop asking me for everything. I wouldn't be the most giving of parents, I wouldn't be mean, but "gotta have my own space, kids."
or
What I don't wish for
or
Gotta have my own space, kids
Interesting seeing the trend of advertising, mailings, spam, sales calls that we receive more often as of late
Get rich quick schemes
Free, no obligation government grants
Free literature on how to become like the "secret" society of powerful money managing, world-changing circles
Nothing's for Free as we all learn earlier on
through our "credit-worthy" years just out of college
"No", was my answer not long ago to somebody promissing a no-obligation
$30,000 grant from some federal agency,
I'd be damned if I was going to give them any account routing numbers
so they could make a direct "deposit"
Got a 10-page detailed letter describing details of literature
to receive information on how to learn the basic fundamentals of
becoming part of the "secret" powerful circles of money-makers
Although they wanted me to mail back my positive confirmation that
"Yes, send me your packet/s of informative materials on how I can
learn the secrets of the powers of the world's most...powerful people.
"But have to send it in by 1-29-05 to receive their secrets.
The mail only delivered this notice of 10-pages of rambling excuses to convince me to send my postive response, yesterday 1-27-05.
I can tell them, would like to write back to them in a 20-page
rambling sequence of my excuses that "NO, I don't care to receive
your list of tactics to become part of any SECRET circles of power.
I already know the essentials, proven fundamentals:
1. 'a penny saved a penny earned' - (I didn't spend a damn penny today, so I still have a penny in my account, meaning I saved a penny today!)
2. 'nothing's for free' - (Giving any access to my bank account, even
under the guise of it being a simple free deposit is a very hard cost potentially in the future to discover that I have no more pennies that
were saved at various times of saving pennies)
Also it's interesting to see the "appeal" of televsion reality
shows like "The Apprentice". Compete in "real-life" competitions
to run simple business ventures to impress a self-made billionaire
where the final winning contestant earns a high-dollar making job
working for that billionaire. Well, if these young emotionally charged and obviously inmature
individuals were already successful business people, why would
they take any vacations away from their businesses to compete on
what is essentially a TV game show. First of all, I wouldn't trust
any of these people to run any business if they're taking breaks
from their successful careers and clients, and I wouldn't trust
these emotionally charged people to cooperate in any fashion with
other businesses. I did learn some tricks, or I reinforced basic business fundamentals that all of these latest media-trends are playing towards us.
I saved my pennies, and I trust that my pennies that I've saved will
remain up to balance tomorrow because I didn't fall for any
get-rich free money grants...and I also realized that I did a service
to somebody else's economics by spending time watching the paid-for advertising segments of that really stupid TV show about a bunch of previously successful but presently incompetent business-managers squabble over minute personality conflicts, and fire each other from their competitive game-show positions. I don't wish to be manipulated through money-making schemes, nor do I wish to be manipulated by fear of losing any potential job offers. I don't wish to be teased by any of these grossly ridiculous schemes. I don't wish to run my life through the attraction of money. Got my basics, got my little pennies. I have all that I need. I also have learned to screen phone calls, throw away mail/email I'm not expecting, and have spam and pop-up blockers on my internet connections.
P.S. - Of course, out of suspicion, I wonder what schemes will come about when people have learned to get through screening of phone calls, pop-up and spam blocking. Nothing to fear, just annoying disturbances like a bunch of emotionally charged kids trying to make an impression. I suppose I am also learning to be a parent, even though I don't have any children, through all of this. I wish these "children" would stop making so much noise, go do their own homework, and stop asking me for everything. I wouldn't be the most giving of parents, I wouldn't be mean, but "gotta have my own space, kids."
My Movie Stars
are most likely those who create the movies...
those who write the stories...
those who direct the actors and actresses...
and place the cameras, lighting and design the sets...
The Auteurs, The Authors of Movies are my Movie Stars
Although I couldn’t argue having a quiet romantic evening with
Katherine Ross, Sean Young, or even Daryl Hannah’s characters
Perhaps like when I was choosing a college to attend,
I hadn't yet decided on my "chosen" profession or
skill involved in making movies
I haven't even been actively pursuing a career in
the movies after a few times as a Camera Assistant, an Electric
and a Film Grip. Although a friend's ex-girlfriend
came to visit in NYC this past Xmas, she works for
FOX Films out in Los Angeles and we've somehow stayed
in touch over the years. But I hate Los Angeles.
Love NYC. Was out seeing some friends play with their
band at a club last year, and afterwards a young couple
approached me asking about my degree at UT since they
also had gotten degrees with the same Film department.
The young lady asked me what was my favorite class,
and as soon as I mentioned the class titled "The American Dream",
we all raised our arms and talked about how great that class and
professor Ramirez was.
The fact that I have these
photos and notes on links at the bottom of my emails,
and have been recontacted by people with similar
interests brings back a lot of youthful memories.
I do remember another professor telling our class of Narrative
Strategies that to be a filmmaker, one should practice the art of
writing. And to write, write, write, write, and write.
I understood, but I've never taken that to heart fully.
I did write a short screenplay for a short story from a
science-fiction magazine that I was intrigued by when in school.
That was fun, a lot of work, I never did anything with it but had
sent it to the friend's ex out in L.A. several years ago
when I first heard she was working for a major Film company.
Sunday night watched "Homeland Security" on
regular broadcast. I was skeptical, but stuck with
it after it started, since it looked well-produced, well-acted,
adventurous, and because it was a true storyline that touched
everyone, especially those of us in NYC. Was the first time
I felt I could sit and watch a drama on the subject of that
time from a somewhat objective view.
I was hooked into it and am today glad I took the chance
at watching the made for TV drama based on real lifeevents.
Additional notes I remember:
Farah Fawcett was rumoredly also an alumnus of U. of Texas
Richard Linklater also a U.Texas alum who worked on an oil rig
in the Gulf of Mexico to make money to finanace
his debut filmmaking career with "Slacker"
(and the money apparently is good for guys who go
down to help with the rigs)
In NYC I worked at S.I.R. Studios providing backline musical
gear and P.A. equipment for numerous broadcast shows in NYC.
David Letterman, Conan O'Brien, Saturday Night Live, the Grammy
Awards at Radio City Music Hall, etc...
I briefly met the singer Bjork
once backstage at Saturday Night Live eating snacks at the
guest's buffet. We didn't talk, but she smiled really
thankfully when I let her cut in front of me.
Another legendary Movie Star, I rode in a loading dock elevator
with Joe Pesci while I was delivering a keyboard up to Elton
John's hotel suite in Manhattan. Mr. Pesci and I were riding
up above the tenth floor, but we first were stopped by another
resident at the first floor. The new resident had been out
jogging, was out of breath and sweaty, and rides up only one
more floor. As soon as the elevator doors closed - so Mr. Pesci,
his party of people and myself could continue up to our intended
destinations higher up - out of Mr. Pesci's mouth blurts a comment
about the excercising passenger who interrupted our ride for one
measly floor. I wanted to bust out laughing, but kept a sense
of my own decorum. Inside my mind I was thinking how cool
that was to hear Joe Pesci speak of words and a tone that only
he is known for, at least in the cinematic world. Made my year.
those who write the stories...
those who direct the actors and actresses...
and place the cameras, lighting and design the sets...
The Auteurs, The Authors of Movies are my Movie Stars
Although I couldn’t argue having a quiet romantic evening with
Katherine Ross, Sean Young, or even Daryl Hannah’s characters
Perhaps like when I was choosing a college to attend,
I hadn't yet decided on my "chosen" profession or
skill involved in making movies
I haven't even been actively pursuing a career in
the movies after a few times as a Camera Assistant, an Electric
and a Film Grip. Although a friend's ex-girlfriend
came to visit in NYC this past Xmas, she works for
FOX Films out in Los Angeles and we've somehow stayed
in touch over the years. But I hate Los Angeles.
Love NYC. Was out seeing some friends play with their
band at a club last year, and afterwards a young couple
approached me asking about my degree at UT since they
also had gotten degrees with the same Film department.
The young lady asked me what was my favorite class,
and as soon as I mentioned the class titled "The American Dream",
we all raised our arms and talked about how great that class and
professor Ramirez was.
The fact that I have these
photos and notes on links at the bottom of my emails,
and have been recontacted by people with similar
interests brings back a lot of youthful memories.
I do remember another professor telling our class of Narrative
Strategies that to be a filmmaker, one should practice the art of
writing. And to write, write, write, write, and write.
I understood, but I've never taken that to heart fully.
I did write a short screenplay for a short story from a
science-fiction magazine that I was intrigued by when in school.
That was fun, a lot of work, I never did anything with it but had
sent it to the friend's ex out in L.A. several years ago
when I first heard she was working for a major Film company.
Sunday night watched "Homeland Security" on
regular broadcast. I was skeptical, but stuck with
it after it started, since it looked well-produced, well-acted,
adventurous, and because it was a true storyline that touched
everyone, especially those of us in NYC. Was the first time
I felt I could sit and watch a drama on the subject of that
time from a somewhat objective view.
I was hooked into it and am today glad I took the chance
at watching the made for TV drama based on real lifeevents.
Additional notes I remember:
Farah Fawcett was rumoredly also an alumnus of U. of Texas
Richard Linklater also a U.Texas alum who worked on an oil rig
in the Gulf of Mexico to make money to finanace
his debut filmmaking career with "Slacker"
(and the money apparently is good for guys who go
down to help with the rigs)
In NYC I worked at S.I.R. Studios providing backline musical
gear and P.A. equipment for numerous broadcast shows in NYC.
David Letterman, Conan O'Brien, Saturday Night Live, the Grammy
Awards at Radio City Music Hall, etc...
I briefly met the singer Bjork
once backstage at Saturday Night Live eating snacks at the
guest's buffet. We didn't talk, but she smiled really
thankfully when I let her cut in front of me.
Another legendary Movie Star, I rode in a loading dock elevator
with Joe Pesci while I was delivering a keyboard up to Elton
John's hotel suite in Manhattan. Mr. Pesci and I were riding
up above the tenth floor, but we first were stopped by another
resident at the first floor. The new resident had been out
jogging, was out of breath and sweaty, and rides up only one
more floor. As soon as the elevator doors closed - so Mr. Pesci,
his party of people and myself could continue up to our intended
destinations higher up - out of Mr. Pesci's mouth blurts a comment
about the excercising passenger who interrupted our ride for one
measly floor. I wanted to bust out laughing, but kept a sense
of my own decorum. Inside my mind I was thinking how cool
that was to hear Joe Pesci speak of words and a tone that only
he is known for, at least in the cinematic world. Made my year.
INDECISIVENESS
When indecisiveness occurs
there is a lack of confidence, a lack of no fear
a pessimistic outlook takes over, and other’s cynical/pessimistic opinions and attitudes seem to take on more value than one instinctively knows are not a positive or productive way to move forward
leads to self doubt
leads to regarding the self as incapable, incompetent, uncommitted, unworthy, undeserving, marking the self as a loser
the kind nature one might have at this point will back away from stepping on anyone’s toes, and opt to make the self suffer first, letting somebody else enjoy the victory and let them have the “gold star”
even carry a guilt trip for being involved in the midst of a bad experience
leads to lack of fortitude and purpose, responsibility, accountability
and a lack of action on own accord without a desperate need to do so, or without someone else’s prodding
lack of confidence in own mindset leads to relying on others’ opinions on what to do, what should be done
which leads to additional confusion, unsurity, and insecurity
leads to blindness about what/if to do anything at all
leads to an image of weakness for failure to make decisions quickly and follow through a complete thought-out plan
turns into our acceptance of and surrendering to those labels of weakness, incompetence, unknowledgeable and finally giving in to and deciding to live with (up to) that label
all this builds up to that person’s entire personality surrendering to a state of confusion, frustration, anger, bitterness, becoming isolated
we reach a point where we decide to control HOW we deal with those feelings of isolation and which paths we lead on to, asking the question do we learn to stay focused
no matter what obstacles or opinions are in front of us
learn to take into account the good and positive qualities in us, to never discount those positive things that we’ve allowed the negatives to overwhelm
we learn to give up our share in contol, to trust that things may be different but it’s OK for us to allow things to fall into place after we’re confident we’ve made all the necessary preparations and assessments and made a DECISION
there is a lack of confidence, a lack of no fear
a pessimistic outlook takes over, and other’s cynical/pessimistic opinions and attitudes seem to take on more value than one instinctively knows are not a positive or productive way to move forward
leads to self doubt
leads to regarding the self as incapable, incompetent, uncommitted, unworthy, undeserving, marking the self as a loser
the kind nature one might have at this point will back away from stepping on anyone’s toes, and opt to make the self suffer first, letting somebody else enjoy the victory and let them have the “gold star”
even carry a guilt trip for being involved in the midst of a bad experience
leads to lack of fortitude and purpose, responsibility, accountability
and a lack of action on own accord without a desperate need to do so, or without someone else’s prodding
lack of confidence in own mindset leads to relying on others’ opinions on what to do, what should be done
which leads to additional confusion, unsurity, and insecurity
leads to blindness about what/if to do anything at all
leads to an image of weakness for failure to make decisions quickly and follow through a complete thought-out plan
turns into our acceptance of and surrendering to those labels of weakness, incompetence, unknowledgeable and finally giving in to and deciding to live with (up to) that label
all this builds up to that person’s entire personality surrendering to a state of confusion, frustration, anger, bitterness, becoming isolated
we reach a point where we decide to control HOW we deal with those feelings of isolation and which paths we lead on to, asking the question do we learn to stay focused
no matter what obstacles or opinions are in front of us
learn to take into account the good and positive qualities in us, to never discount those positive things that we’ve allowed the negatives to overwhelm
we learn to give up our share in contol, to trust that things may be different but it’s OK for us to allow things to fall into place after we’re confident we’ve made all the necessary preparations and assessments and made a DECISION
Fear, within me
I remember you saying, once approved it'll last forever
but now that you're away
what will we believe
now we can't rely on anything you would say
Now I fear
going to those places of memory
as if I were returning
to the scene of a crime
Now I live
in constant expectation of bad news
always intent to look over the shoulder
paranoid of living in a police-state
Now somebody new
questions
why live in fear
why speak of it
and I have to bite my tongue
I have to consider my words
to not lose hope
and continue common everyday civilities
am now emotionally frozen
I expect to be sinking hard
from now on
part of an expected
daily venture
to kid
everyone now who questions
the kid
especially me
but now that you're away
what will we believe
now we can't rely on anything you would say
Now I fear
going to those places of memory
as if I were returning
to the scene of a crime
Now I live
in constant expectation of bad news
always intent to look over the shoulder
paranoid of living in a police-state
Now somebody new
questions
why live in fear
why speak of it
and I have to bite my tongue
I have to consider my words
to not lose hope
and continue common everyday civilities
am now emotionally frozen
I expect to be sinking hard
from now on
part of an expected
daily venture
to kid
everyone now who questions
the kid
especially me
resume for JackOTrade
Experiences: listing of jobs that always seem to come about by accident, never gotten through the traditional means of networking nor interviewing techiniques that so many help/support job clubs are programmed to shove down our throats
Internet Boom Job
- balanced a proprietary client’s strict guidlines for its gov’t restrictions of
monitoring and hosting of internet services.- a new Competetive Local
Exchange Carrier’s expanding and growing business dedicated primarily
to establishing its sales image
- lack of engineering support for a complex backend of systems and
software that were initially expensive to put in production, expensive to
upgrade and maintain without extensive training and knowledge, and
were also prime for the numerous incompatibilities of the continuous
accumulation of new products on the market
- not a job that ever would have been of interest except for the fact that
after getting fired from from previous job, unfairly mind you, and
hearing about this “opportunity” from another guy who got fired from
that same job, but who always stayed in contact with the staff by coming
in to sell marijuana.
... in actuality this came about at a time when money and finding a new place to live were priorities, the second time this situation came about. A true NYC experience. Family was proud that I had gotten a job in computers which at the time was a hot field to be involved in, it was an impressive and important responsibility, was a test of my determination to make the most of this opportunity, learn what I could, and have a legitimate corporate environment experience. Sadly this job was coming to an (amicable) end in the fall of 2001, after I was diagnosed with a disability in the Spring, 2 months after I had made a trip to reunite with a sibling in Alaska, and after a disastrous and terrifying act of war on our country that occurred six weeks previous to the final ending of this job, all of which including an interview during the Spring at the WTC North Tower 77th floor prompted countless sessions with a therapist to deal with loss of work, loss of health, loss of the magic of the city…loss of everything.
Dream job in world of entertainment
- exiciting opportunity to work with and around many notorious
entertainment personalities, shows, and thus annoyingly brag to old
friends and family back West.
- continued to associate with people who like to smoke and drink thus
continuing to build and reinforce the bad habits obtained towards the
end of previous job, and ultimately burning any dreams or care of what
was idealized in the B.S. (bullshit) throwaway degree that would
sarcastically label its earner as a professional “basket-weaver”.
...in actuality, was a nice way to be introduced to NYC, a nice way to cap
off the previous experience as a performer, a wonderful experience to work at what I would have perceived as the perfect dream job introducing me to the technical support environment for the #2 coast/market of production, and additionally was a relief (and reward) at a time when I was breaking off a relationship (amicably) and searching for a new residence. A remarkable transitional period.
Self-fulfillment job
- received countless commendations for being talented and a regularly
anticipated performer
- met many nice young ladies, didn’t settle for one that will always remain
in the back of the mind as “the one”
- started to drink, smoke, didn’t learn any practical experiences that would
lead to practical career advancement opportunities, but lead more to a
jaded and isolated personality (one would brag that they were on a few
occasions interrupted at dinner in public by so-called
“admirers”)...the ending result being that none of the nice young lady
companions would be stupid enough to have stayed involved with a
burned-out old rock-and-roller type (including justifiably) the one lady
whom this rock-and-roller decided was the final conquest and moved
to a large distant city with but broke off their relationship due to the
inability of that jaded rock-and-roller’s capacity to meet the everyday
necessities of any respectable companion.
B.S. (BullShit) Degree in watching TV, film and listening to music
- perfect for the youth of the TV generation, a person who spent way too
much time watching television growing up
- a waste of opportunity to get a decent college education and family
resources as well as what was at the time a very affordable and low-cost expense of tuition
- has absolutely no benefit other than this person luckily received a
degree after having countless drinking episodes that called for meetings
with the Resident Counselor and the Dean of Housing- lucky also in that
this person stupidly and defiantly went against his past reputation for
doin well in school and achieved a meager Grade Point Average when
letting grades slip after knowingly ignoring drop deadlines
...in actuality, learned about the storyline processes and qualities of production that make productions critically acclaimed in cultural and acadmic environments.
CERTIFICATES OF AUTHENTICITY, HONORABLE-MENTION AND PARTICIPANT AWARDS
(about, like, Schmidt’s tokens)
Internet Boom Job
- balanced a proprietary client’s strict guidlines for its gov’t restrictions of
monitoring and hosting of internet services.- a new Competetive Local
Exchange Carrier’s expanding and growing business dedicated primarily
to establishing its sales image
- lack of engineering support for a complex backend of systems and
software that were initially expensive to put in production, expensive to
upgrade and maintain without extensive training and knowledge, and
were also prime for the numerous incompatibilities of the continuous
accumulation of new products on the market
- not a job that ever would have been of interest except for the fact that
after getting fired from from previous job, unfairly mind you, and
hearing about this “opportunity” from another guy who got fired from
that same job, but who always stayed in contact with the staff by coming
in to sell marijuana.
... in actuality this came about at a time when money and finding a new place to live were priorities, the second time this situation came about. A true NYC experience. Family was proud that I had gotten a job in computers which at the time was a hot field to be involved in, it was an impressive and important responsibility, was a test of my determination to make the most of this opportunity, learn what I could, and have a legitimate corporate environment experience. Sadly this job was coming to an (amicable) end in the fall of 2001, after I was diagnosed with a disability in the Spring, 2 months after I had made a trip to reunite with a sibling in Alaska, and after a disastrous and terrifying act of war on our country that occurred six weeks previous to the final ending of this job, all of which including an interview during the Spring at the WTC North Tower 77th floor prompted countless sessions with a therapist to deal with loss of work, loss of health, loss of the magic of the city…loss of everything.
Dream job in world of entertainment
- exiciting opportunity to work with and around many notorious
entertainment personalities, shows, and thus annoyingly brag to old
friends and family back West.
- continued to associate with people who like to smoke and drink thus
continuing to build and reinforce the bad habits obtained towards the
end of previous job, and ultimately burning any dreams or care of what
was idealized in the B.S. (bullshit) throwaway degree that would
sarcastically label its earner as a professional “basket-weaver”.
...in actuality, was a nice way to be introduced to NYC, a nice way to cap
off the previous experience as a performer, a wonderful experience to work at what I would have perceived as the perfect dream job introducing me to the technical support environment for the #2 coast/market of production, and additionally was a relief (and reward) at a time when I was breaking off a relationship (amicably) and searching for a new residence. A remarkable transitional period.
Self-fulfillment job
- received countless commendations for being talented and a regularly
anticipated performer
- met many nice young ladies, didn’t settle for one that will always remain
in the back of the mind as “the one”
- started to drink, smoke, didn’t learn any practical experiences that would
lead to practical career advancement opportunities, but lead more to a
jaded and isolated personality (one would brag that they were on a few
occasions interrupted at dinner in public by so-called
“admirers”)...the ending result being that none of the nice young lady
companions would be stupid enough to have stayed involved with a
burned-out old rock-and-roller type (including justifiably) the one lady
whom this rock-and-roller decided was the final conquest and moved
to a large distant city with but broke off their relationship due to the
inability of that jaded rock-and-roller’s capacity to meet the everyday
necessities of any respectable companion.
B.S. (BullShit) Degree in watching TV, film and listening to music
- perfect for the youth of the TV generation, a person who spent way too
much time watching television growing up
- a waste of opportunity to get a decent college education and family
resources as well as what was at the time a very affordable and low-cost expense of tuition
- has absolutely no benefit other than this person luckily received a
degree after having countless drinking episodes that called for meetings
with the Resident Counselor and the Dean of Housing- lucky also in that
this person stupidly and defiantly went against his past reputation for
doin well in school and achieved a meager Grade Point Average when
letting grades slip after knowingly ignoring drop deadlines
...in actuality, learned about the storyline processes and qualities of production that make productions critically acclaimed in cultural and acadmic environments.
CERTIFICATES OF AUTHENTICITY, HONORABLE-MENTION AND PARTICIPANT AWARDS
(about, like, Schmidt’s tokens)
Visual Artistr - Y
The photograph
The images and paintings
They could be accúrate
It may be
The lines are straight
The colors correct
A rare moment saved and recorded
Can you see
Perhaps it’s different
With the edges blurred and
The shadows darker
Than they would be
Unintentional or unprepared
Things get smudged
The mood and interpretation of the moment
Where perhaps the artist purposely framed it so
Visual Artistr- Y
The abstract interpretations or
Personal perspective of places in time
Do you see?
The images and paintings
They could be accúrate
It may be
The lines are straight
The colors correct
A rare moment saved and recorded
Can you see
Perhaps it’s different
With the edges blurred and
The shadows darker
Than they would be
Unintentional or unprepared
Things get smudged
The mood and interpretation of the moment
Where perhaps the artist purposely framed it so
Visual Artistr- Y
The abstract interpretations or
Personal perspective of places in time
Do you see?
Plants
I wasn't intrigued by the subject
It didn't prompt me to be creative
I was eager to be a part of another semester
of creative writing
The more I've thought about it
I was thinking back on any
experiences in my life that would justify to myself
writing something creative
concerning a theme of plants
I wasn't eager to writeI wasn't eager to write about plants
It didn't have a direct connectionwith me
Or do plants have a connection
more directly than I was willing
to think about
Thinking more, and more,
a lot of memories from
childhood
Difficult to sift through
Perhaps I have some issues with
plants
My mother and father loved plants
plants in their lawn and landscape
plants in our home
they opened a plant shop I remember
next to a home they purchased, refurbished
and sold to a young family from Vietnam
they were also hearbroken when
all the plants they loved that
thrived in the humid Texas climate
died from the cold when being moved
to Iowa
the plant store they had opened with
another couple was closed when their"partnership" was becoming unpleasant
One of my weekly jobs was mowing and raking
our home and church lawns
A combination of it being
a way to occupy the free time of a growing boy
and being the son of a parent who
was raised on a farm and became a caregiver to others on or near farmlands
As I became an adult,
I've not been an avid plant fan
Too much work
Too much nurturing
Too much care and need for space and positioning in proper sunlight
I was too busy with my life, my wants
My living spaces were limited
However, I seem to always carry a respect for
the needs of plants in a busy world
I've been fascinated on how this
large city has been conscious of creating
wonderful parks with trees and green grass
I also would always be sure to throw a cigarette butt
away from at least the roots of trees or young plants
I always feel intrusive when walking on a busy sidewalk
not to step too swiftly by a brush reaching over and
across somebody's fence in the neighborhood
I remember getting in a lot of trouble when young
for accompanying an older kid to go and knock over
and destroy a neighbor's vegetable garden
He said it would be cool
I thought he was cool, or at least was impressionable
to think he and it were both cool
My father made me go sit down with the
neighbor to listen to her cry and say how
disappointed she was to see me be a part of something
that was destructive to her garden
My father then told me that I was to give the money
that he was going to use to buy me a new bicycle to her
Not long after, that heart-broken lady soon became
my piano-teacher
What a series of remarkable and difficult lessons to be taught
A lesson on how not to treat people
A lesson on how not to treat things that people spend alot of time and care growing and nurturing
A lesson on forgiveness
A lesson on nurturing a young failure and nurturing some respect into the youthful child that wasn't
seeing the results of the others' caring around him
This was a difficult theme to write through
What an analogy that plants represent
about the caring and nurturing the caretakers of the planet Earth practice and need themselves to their task
to be good caretakers of all things living.
It didn't prompt me to be creative
I was eager to be a part of another semester
of creative writing
The more I've thought about it
I was thinking back on any
experiences in my life that would justify to myself
writing something creative
concerning a theme of plants
I wasn't eager to writeI wasn't eager to write about plants
It didn't have a direct connectionwith me
Or do plants have a connection
more directly than I was willing
to think about
Thinking more, and more,
a lot of memories from
childhood
Difficult to sift through
Perhaps I have some issues with
plants
My mother and father loved plants
plants in their lawn and landscape
plants in our home
they opened a plant shop I remember
next to a home they purchased, refurbished
and sold to a young family from Vietnam
they were also hearbroken when
all the plants they loved that
thrived in the humid Texas climate
died from the cold when being moved
to Iowa
the plant store they had opened with
another couple was closed when their"partnership" was becoming unpleasant
One of my weekly jobs was mowing and raking
our home and church lawns
A combination of it being
a way to occupy the free time of a growing boy
and being the son of a parent who
was raised on a farm and became a caregiver to others on or near farmlands
As I became an adult,
I've not been an avid plant fan
Too much work
Too much nurturing
Too much care and need for space and positioning in proper sunlight
I was too busy with my life, my wants
My living spaces were limited
However, I seem to always carry a respect for
the needs of plants in a busy world
I've been fascinated on how this
large city has been conscious of creating
wonderful parks with trees and green grass
I also would always be sure to throw a cigarette butt
away from at least the roots of trees or young plants
I always feel intrusive when walking on a busy sidewalk
not to step too swiftly by a brush reaching over and
across somebody's fence in the neighborhood
I remember getting in a lot of trouble when young
for accompanying an older kid to go and knock over
and destroy a neighbor's vegetable garden
He said it would be cool
I thought he was cool, or at least was impressionable
to think he and it were both cool
My father made me go sit down with the
neighbor to listen to her cry and say how
disappointed she was to see me be a part of something
that was destructive to her garden
My father then told me that I was to give the money
that he was going to use to buy me a new bicycle to her
Not long after, that heart-broken lady soon became
my piano-teacher
What a series of remarkable and difficult lessons to be taught
A lesson on how not to treat people
A lesson on how not to treat things that people spend alot of time and care growing and nurturing
A lesson on forgiveness
A lesson on nurturing a young failure and nurturing some respect into the youthful child that wasn't
seeing the results of the others' caring around him
This was a difficult theme to write through
What an analogy that plants represent
about the caring and nurturing the caretakers of the planet Earth practice and need themselves to their task
to be good caretakers of all things living.
Childish Words
Childish Things
A Children's Sermon
Toys for Children
How Children grow
Speaks like a Child
Childhood possessions
Childhood obsessions with our childlike wonders
Childhood obsessions with our own children
Childish outlook
With the eyes of a child
Childish habits
A writer is always writing
no matter what state of mind they may be in
And the writer always keeps the current deadline in mind
An example of this is how much I had to drink last night
but was determined to type out an email to a close friend
in answer to their email wondering if I had gotten home OK
At home by 1:30AM, a little topsy, eager to inform the concerned
mother of her own 3 daughters about the safety of her inebriated
friend yesterday, and a little information about my topsy evening of returning home. Am now up at 6AM to type on these topics of "Childish Words".
home (1:30am last night)
home again
home again
Actually Chris and I rode out to Astoria, to O'Hanlon's Irish
Pub at the last subway stop on Ditmars Blvd. Chris came in to
check the place out, wasn't in the mood to stay since he wanted to
get his automobile from his folk's home and go to his own home.
I even offered the fucker the best seat next to the bar, THE BEST!
I used to spend many afternoons and evenings at the BEST seat at
the bar. Can see everything from that spot, people coming and going,
the main TV, can sit back in the chair and relax, and usually during the
week the gorgeously cool bartender Ashley will converse with you frequently. However, the old Irish thug bartender Jimmy seemed to think I was falling asleep and asked me to go home myself. That fucker.
That Old Irish Fucker! I simply wanted to relax and enjoy THE BEST
SPOT at what was once my favorite Irish Pub. Fucker.
Of course, I fell asleep on the train when I switched over at Queensboro
Plaza, woke up at Coney Island as the conducter was practically screaming
for the second or third time "This is the LAST STOP!"
Fuck.
Oh well, I had a good "catnap" to the Coney Island stop, and the ride
back out to Queens wasn't as long as I feared it would be.
However, I had to pee. I felt the urge to do so before the train had
crossed the Manhattan border. I held. And I held. And I had a look of a pissed off stood-up fucker who didn't have the demeanor to be pleasant if anyone dared fuck with him before he arrived at his pre-determined destination. I was tired, I was tired of being an old curmudgeon, I was tired of holding the pressure in my aging bladder, so after watching a few stops go by in lower Manhattan and seeing the platforms fairly empty of citizens, arriving at the 8th St. stop I decide to get off and release the burden on my bladder at the end of the platform (the North End of the N/R/W subway platform behind the steel girder/support is where ther is evidence of fluid on the platform floor...you gotta go, you gotta go...felt like I was fairly clever and hidden, wouldn't have been ticketed for indecent exposure by any means...of course that may have been the effects of having 1 glass wine compliments of St. Peters, 2 large L.I. Iced Teas compliments of Turtle Bay, 1/2 Budweiser and 1/5 of small glass of Jemeson's Whiskey the unfinished compliments of that OLD IRISH FUCKER in Astoria, Queens.
Arrived in Jackson Heights/Elmhurst around 7:30pm, about 1/2 hour before the season-premiere of "24" was regularly broadcast on Channel 5 FOX.
Pretty intense show. I sat with my computer on with a barely begun game of Spider-Solitaire, more intensely focussed on the TV screen. Two episodes were broadcast tonight, and two more are scheduled to be broadcast tomorrow. Kiefer Sutherland as Jack Bauer the CTU agent in the field is a pretty cool character. Tough guy. He's like a Steve McQueen character. Tough guy. My dad and I actually would say "Jack's Back!" when we watched the DVD episodes we rented in Colorado.
When "24" was finished tonight, then Ch. 11 News in the background while I continued to solve the layout of this one particular deal of Solitaire, waiting for the weather with Mr. G (actually on the weekends Joe Ciappi is the fill-in weatherman) and sports with Sal (actually Kip Lewis is the fillin on the weekends for Sal), and now "Friends" is on in the background as I type out my frustrations to you. You are beautiful, you are lovely, you are tolerant, you are fun, you are cool! And you're tough, so tough I would hope to have you with me the next time I even dared think of going to some stupid Irish pub in Astoria, Queens and having to answer with a nod that maybe Yes it was time for me to go home. I didn't want to argue, I didn't care to need to justify me wanting to enjoy the peace and stillness of that old fucker's bar. Oh well, no tip for him. I don't think I gave him any tip. Fucker.
I'm OK now. Flossed, brushed, smoked my last cigarrette outside, and am now empty of any uplifting thoughts for you, you dear, sweet lovely lady.
(END of my childish evening synapsis to friend...full of childish language, revelation, loss of direction, awakening, foolishness, juvenile carelessness)
Wrote some additional topics the other day
that would remind me of memories concerning
children's words that came to thought
An enormous amount of thought went behind this topic
And my general topics are elaborated on some as follows
A Children's Sermon
My father who is a pastor out MidWest whom I just saw for over a month over the holidays, is always good about catering to all age groups at his church, and usually has a special children's sermon every other Sunday. He asks all children below a certain age to come up to the altar where he will attempt to talk to them on their level of understanding and thinking. He then thanks the children for coming up to listen to his "children's version" of the topic he will continue to discuss with the adults for his "regular sermon". It's always an entertaining time to watch my father speak to this group of 10-20 children. His children's sermon is just as thought provoking to the adults as it is the children.
This brought the thought of how much children grow within a short period of time. Amazing how much a former child I had met there once a few years ago. That child is now a teenage male with facial hair.
One of the young children here in NY looked a lot more mature within the month that I was gone. I saw an old friend whom I knew since I was 1 year old on my trip. We've somehow stayed friends for over our 35+ years, and it's always fun to laugh about the same things we laughed about when we were so young. Silly stuff his older brother used to say that would make us howl with laughter, and still did just two weeks ago. I also saw a young mother who used to babysit my brother and I many years ago. We hadn't seen her since then, but she hadn't changed much from my memory. Yet I now stood taller than her. She and I had some good laughs about those babysitting moments, she seemed to think that she had hit my brother and I with a spatula. That made me laugh, and apologize to her for thinking that. I mentioned that two young boys, pastor's kids at that, I didn't doubt it for a second that somebody at least may have had the inclination to at least "threaten" us with a spatula spanking. My brother and I would constantly tease our babysitters, trying to kiss them, and we would wake up constantly when we were supposed to be in bed, always anxious to arouse the babysitter downstairs with our young shenanigans. OUr "old" babysitter and I laughed and laughed as both our "even older" parents stood by and listening to our laughter about those babysat evenings.
Another couple came over for dinner while I was out on vacation, and older couple who's son was going through a bitter divorce, and these grandparents were taking care of their 2 year old grandaughter. The little girl was playing with my parents' little dog, she was trying to pick it up because she could see how affectionate my folks' dog was.
But she couldn't pick up the little dog, even in its small weight it was still too awkward and the dog would snap at her when she would attempt to lift the dog with her weak and boney fingers. Poor little girl was shocked that that precious loving dog would yip at her genuine attempts to lift it.
In my own attempt to ease the affectionate attempts with the dog, I held the dog in my lap at the dinner table, and the young grandaughter was able to calmly pet the dog, and occassionally could lean over and kiss the precious dog on it's little doggie head.
The little granddaughter was anxious to play though, so I went and got a boxful of my brother's and my old toys that my own mother and father keep around for various young children to play with when visiting. A Fischer Price Village, Farm, various plastic automobiles which various uniformed wooden and plastic Fischer Price "people" could be set into. The grandmother and granddad were fascinated with these toys more than the little grandaughter.
A young teenage boy whom I had met next door to my mother and father
was playing with his new BB gun in the neighbor's backyard. He was a young elementary kid just a few years ago, but now was at least 2 feet taller, had longer hair, was muscular, even had hair growing on his face that looked like he now needed to shave, and his voice was deeper.
I didn't recognize him whatsoever from my memory of him 3 years ago.
My mother asked me what I thought about for a Xmas gift for my little nephew who was born 2 years ago. She, my father and I looked at all of the little sports outfits at JCPenny's and Mervyn's. He was already too big for some things that I thought would have fit him in my reference to his size 1 year ago.
I got to see a cousin of mine who's mentally handicapped. Great kid who has a home-care giver that lives with him in their own separate home. He's constantly on the go, his mind is running a million times faster than ours are, yet he is only able to speak as he were a 2 year old. One morning after I stayed with them overnight, my cousin and I were watching the sunrise, and he quietly puts his arm around me as if to reassure me that "everything is OK". His home-care live-in worker said that my cousin wouldn't do that with everyone. He's very keen on people's karma, he wouldn't talk to nor care to be around somebody who didn't have a good karma. The fact that my cousin was constantly talking to me and around me said a lot about how much he admired his older cousin Aaron. That made my entire trip, my year, my life to have my mentally handicapped cousin reassure me in a rare quiet moment that everything was OK.
A Children's Sermon
Toys for Children
How Children grow
Speaks like a Child
Childhood possessions
Childhood obsessions with our childlike wonders
Childhood obsessions with our own children
Childish outlook
With the eyes of a child
Childish habits
A writer is always writing
no matter what state of mind they may be in
And the writer always keeps the current deadline in mind
An example of this is how much I had to drink last night
but was determined to type out an email to a close friend
in answer to their email wondering if I had gotten home OK
At home by 1:30AM, a little topsy, eager to inform the concerned
mother of her own 3 daughters about the safety of her inebriated
friend yesterday, and a little information about my topsy evening of returning home. Am now up at 6AM to type on these topics of "Childish Words".
home (1:30am last night)
home again
home again
Actually Chris and I rode out to Astoria, to O'Hanlon's Irish
Pub at the last subway stop on Ditmars Blvd. Chris came in to
check the place out, wasn't in the mood to stay since he wanted to
get his automobile from his folk's home and go to his own home.
I even offered the fucker the best seat next to the bar, THE BEST!
I used to spend many afternoons and evenings at the BEST seat at
the bar. Can see everything from that spot, people coming and going,
the main TV, can sit back in the chair and relax, and usually during the
week the gorgeously cool bartender Ashley will converse with you frequently. However, the old Irish thug bartender Jimmy seemed to think I was falling asleep and asked me to go home myself. That fucker.
That Old Irish Fucker! I simply wanted to relax and enjoy THE BEST
SPOT at what was once my favorite Irish Pub. Fucker.
Of course, I fell asleep on the train when I switched over at Queensboro
Plaza, woke up at Coney Island as the conducter was practically screaming
for the second or third time "This is the LAST STOP!"
Fuck.
Oh well, I had a good "catnap" to the Coney Island stop, and the ride
back out to Queens wasn't as long as I feared it would be.
However, I had to pee. I felt the urge to do so before the train had
crossed the Manhattan border. I held. And I held. And I had a look of a pissed off stood-up fucker who didn't have the demeanor to be pleasant if anyone dared fuck with him before he arrived at his pre-determined destination. I was tired, I was tired of being an old curmudgeon, I was tired of holding the pressure in my aging bladder, so after watching a few stops go by in lower Manhattan and seeing the platforms fairly empty of citizens, arriving at the 8th St. stop I decide to get off and release the burden on my bladder at the end of the platform (the North End of the N/R/W subway platform behind the steel girder/support is where ther is evidence of fluid on the platform floor...you gotta go, you gotta go...felt like I was fairly clever and hidden, wouldn't have been ticketed for indecent exposure by any means...of course that may have been the effects of having 1 glass wine compliments of St. Peters, 2 large L.I. Iced Teas compliments of Turtle Bay, 1/2 Budweiser and 1/5 of small glass of Jemeson's Whiskey the unfinished compliments of that OLD IRISH FUCKER in Astoria, Queens.
Arrived in Jackson Heights/Elmhurst around 7:30pm, about 1/2 hour before the season-premiere of "24" was regularly broadcast on Channel 5 FOX.
Pretty intense show. I sat with my computer on with a barely begun game of Spider-Solitaire, more intensely focussed on the TV screen. Two episodes were broadcast tonight, and two more are scheduled to be broadcast tomorrow. Kiefer Sutherland as Jack Bauer the CTU agent in the field is a pretty cool character. Tough guy. He's like a Steve McQueen character. Tough guy. My dad and I actually would say "Jack's Back!" when we watched the DVD episodes we rented in Colorado.
When "24" was finished tonight, then Ch. 11 News in the background while I continued to solve the layout of this one particular deal of Solitaire, waiting for the weather with Mr. G (actually on the weekends Joe Ciappi is the fill-in weatherman) and sports with Sal (actually Kip Lewis is the fillin on the weekends for Sal), and now "Friends" is on in the background as I type out my frustrations to you. You are beautiful, you are lovely, you are tolerant, you are fun, you are cool! And you're tough, so tough I would hope to have you with me the next time I even dared think of going to some stupid Irish pub in Astoria, Queens and having to answer with a nod that maybe Yes it was time for me to go home. I didn't want to argue, I didn't care to need to justify me wanting to enjoy the peace and stillness of that old fucker's bar. Oh well, no tip for him. I don't think I gave him any tip. Fucker.
I'm OK now. Flossed, brushed, smoked my last cigarrette outside, and am now empty of any uplifting thoughts for you, you dear, sweet lovely lady.
(END of my childish evening synapsis to friend...full of childish language, revelation, loss of direction, awakening, foolishness, juvenile carelessness)
Wrote some additional topics the other day
that would remind me of memories concerning
children's words that came to thought
An enormous amount of thought went behind this topic
And my general topics are elaborated on some as follows
A Children's Sermon
My father who is a pastor out MidWest whom I just saw for over a month over the holidays, is always good about catering to all age groups at his church, and usually has a special children's sermon every other Sunday. He asks all children below a certain age to come up to the altar where he will attempt to talk to them on their level of understanding and thinking. He then thanks the children for coming up to listen to his "children's version" of the topic he will continue to discuss with the adults for his "regular sermon". It's always an entertaining time to watch my father speak to this group of 10-20 children. His children's sermon is just as thought provoking to the adults as it is the children.
This brought the thought of how much children grow within a short period of time. Amazing how much a former child I had met there once a few years ago. That child is now a teenage male with facial hair.
One of the young children here in NY looked a lot more mature within the month that I was gone. I saw an old friend whom I knew since I was 1 year old on my trip. We've somehow stayed friends for over our 35+ years, and it's always fun to laugh about the same things we laughed about when we were so young. Silly stuff his older brother used to say that would make us howl with laughter, and still did just two weeks ago. I also saw a young mother who used to babysit my brother and I many years ago. We hadn't seen her since then, but she hadn't changed much from my memory. Yet I now stood taller than her. She and I had some good laughs about those babysitting moments, she seemed to think that she had hit my brother and I with a spatula. That made me laugh, and apologize to her for thinking that. I mentioned that two young boys, pastor's kids at that, I didn't doubt it for a second that somebody at least may have had the inclination to at least "threaten" us with a spatula spanking. My brother and I would constantly tease our babysitters, trying to kiss them, and we would wake up constantly when we were supposed to be in bed, always anxious to arouse the babysitter downstairs with our young shenanigans. OUr "old" babysitter and I laughed and laughed as both our "even older" parents stood by and listening to our laughter about those babysat evenings.
Another couple came over for dinner while I was out on vacation, and older couple who's son was going through a bitter divorce, and these grandparents were taking care of their 2 year old grandaughter. The little girl was playing with my parents' little dog, she was trying to pick it up because she could see how affectionate my folks' dog was.
But she couldn't pick up the little dog, even in its small weight it was still too awkward and the dog would snap at her when she would attempt to lift the dog with her weak and boney fingers. Poor little girl was shocked that that precious loving dog would yip at her genuine attempts to lift it.
In my own attempt to ease the affectionate attempts with the dog, I held the dog in my lap at the dinner table, and the young grandaughter was able to calmly pet the dog, and occassionally could lean over and kiss the precious dog on it's little doggie head.
The little granddaughter was anxious to play though, so I went and got a boxful of my brother's and my old toys that my own mother and father keep around for various young children to play with when visiting. A Fischer Price Village, Farm, various plastic automobiles which various uniformed wooden and plastic Fischer Price "people" could be set into. The grandmother and granddad were fascinated with these toys more than the little grandaughter.
A young teenage boy whom I had met next door to my mother and father
was playing with his new BB gun in the neighbor's backyard. He was a young elementary kid just a few years ago, but now was at least 2 feet taller, had longer hair, was muscular, even had hair growing on his face that looked like he now needed to shave, and his voice was deeper.
I didn't recognize him whatsoever from my memory of him 3 years ago.
My mother asked me what I thought about for a Xmas gift for my little nephew who was born 2 years ago. She, my father and I looked at all of the little sports outfits at JCPenny's and Mervyn's. He was already too big for some things that I thought would have fit him in my reference to his size 1 year ago.
I got to see a cousin of mine who's mentally handicapped. Great kid who has a home-care giver that lives with him in their own separate home. He's constantly on the go, his mind is running a million times faster than ours are, yet he is only able to speak as he were a 2 year old. One morning after I stayed with them overnight, my cousin and I were watching the sunrise, and he quietly puts his arm around me as if to reassure me that "everything is OK". His home-care live-in worker said that my cousin wouldn't do that with everyone. He's very keen on people's karma, he wouldn't talk to nor care to be around somebody who didn't have a good karma. The fact that my cousin was constantly talking to me and around me said a lot about how much he admired his older cousin Aaron. That made my entire trip, my year, my life to have my mentally handicapped cousin reassure me in a rare quiet moment that everything was OK.
Being Policed
Being Policed
Angela, was applying to Med School
In 1999 I emailed her asking what it meant when your vision wasn't
focussing correctly, balance was off,
and you were exhausted much earlier than normal in the evenings
Sounded like the symptoms of MS to her then as it did the same to my
primary care physician, but the symptoms didn't last, and I ignored the
early possible diagnoses.
Julia, was going to go to Law School
we broke up so she could go and study,
but she saw another young lady who in her eyes was a good match for me,
Pamela, worked for an independent Ambulance company, driving,
dispatching...she came to my apartment one morning with a coffee and a
cinnamon roll to say hello
Pamela soon got a job dispatching for the county's sheriff's office
Her brother was in the Army, and he had the dream job of joining with
the FBI. Pamela now works as a police-officer in a big city
Carol became a friend through a mutual friend of ours who lived in the
dormitory across the hall from me in college
Carol came to visit NY at the start of the new millenium
She and I stayed in touch through email,
she has two boys and an ex-husband who shares custody
A distance I wasn't willing or able to travel or to shorten
Carol is now in Law School
Amy, came to visit NYC in October of 2001
she said she admired me when we were young,
She now works part-time for a police department
and security at a power-plant.
In the meantime of these acquaintences, I had been in charge of the internet security of a large corporation, the late night security of a music rehearsal and storage facility, also my one of my first jobs after college was being in charge of the safe transportation of school children (a school bus driver), and (oddly and unfitting to the rest of the careers up to this point) an entertainer who sang poplular dance songs. But, then it was the singing those popular dance songs that originally enacted interactions with these aspiring young professional ladies.
Interesting, or telling perhaps, that these young ladies took careers
in the practices of various forms of Health Care or Law Enforcement
and were girlfriends at various points in my life.
What does that say about my character...
I could make the assumption that I gave off some vibe of health and security.
That or something semi-humorous related to the common axiom, "It takes
a thief to catch a thief..." My college roommate who formed the business of the cover band playing the popular dance songs quoted an old Eddie Murphy standup routine to convince me to join, "just sing..." My roommate was good about keeping our band busy, having a steady flow of gigs and income, and staying in contact with club owners and booking agents.
A combination of all those factors perhaps, I was a little bit of a rebel, but a known, constant, reliable, hard-working consistency on which to feed off of. There, I gave off some vibe of youthful vitality (health) and security. That sounds like a good summation.
Not to forget, my present roommate started a new career in security.
Angela, was applying to Med School
In 1999 I emailed her asking what it meant when your vision wasn't
focussing correctly, balance was off,
and you were exhausted much earlier than normal in the evenings
Sounded like the symptoms of MS to her then as it did the same to my
primary care physician, but the symptoms didn't last, and I ignored the
early possible diagnoses.
Julia, was going to go to Law School
we broke up so she could go and study,
but she saw another young lady who in her eyes was a good match for me,
Pamela, worked for an independent Ambulance company, driving,
dispatching...she came to my apartment one morning with a coffee and a
cinnamon roll to say hello
Pamela soon got a job dispatching for the county's sheriff's office
Her brother was in the Army, and he had the dream job of joining with
the FBI. Pamela now works as a police-officer in a big city
Carol became a friend through a mutual friend of ours who lived in the
dormitory across the hall from me in college
Carol came to visit NY at the start of the new millenium
She and I stayed in touch through email,
she has two boys and an ex-husband who shares custody
A distance I wasn't willing or able to travel or to shorten
Carol is now in Law School
Amy, came to visit NYC in October of 2001
she said she admired me when we were young,
She now works part-time for a police department
and security at a power-plant.
In the meantime of these acquaintences, I had been in charge of the internet security of a large corporation, the late night security of a music rehearsal and storage facility, also my one of my first jobs after college was being in charge of the safe transportation of school children (a school bus driver), and (oddly and unfitting to the rest of the careers up to this point) an entertainer who sang poplular dance songs. But, then it was the singing those popular dance songs that originally enacted interactions with these aspiring young professional ladies.
Interesting, or telling perhaps, that these young ladies took careers
in the practices of various forms of Health Care or Law Enforcement
and were girlfriends at various points in my life.
What does that say about my character...
I could make the assumption that I gave off some vibe of health and security.
That or something semi-humorous related to the common axiom, "It takes
a thief to catch a thief..." My college roommate who formed the business of the cover band playing the popular dance songs quoted an old Eddie Murphy standup routine to convince me to join, "just sing..." My roommate was good about keeping our band busy, having a steady flow of gigs and income, and staying in contact with club owners and booking agents.
A combination of all those factors perhaps, I was a little bit of a rebel, but a known, constant, reliable, hard-working consistency on which to feed off of. There, I gave off some vibe of youthful vitality (health) and security. That sounds like a good summation.
Not to forget, my present roommate started a new career in security.
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